Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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