The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
