In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
