He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
