She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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