Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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