why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
