i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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