i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
