dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
