I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
