Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
