I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can I color on your dick again?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
