She said her name was "party"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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