I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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