you would pick up someone in the library
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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