I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
