mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
