He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
