i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
