you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
