Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
