Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
