im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
