I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
