Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
