Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
