My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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