i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
