I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
