I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
