Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
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