Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I will pee on everything he values.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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