oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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