im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
