So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
