you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
