if only i could text you this smell
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
