As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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