I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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