No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
