Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
