I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
