dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
