physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
