just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
