I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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