I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
