It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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