You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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