I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
