Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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