Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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