I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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