Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
