All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
