Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
