alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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