He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
